I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
