My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
