i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
