Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
