Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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