did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
