So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
