I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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