Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
