she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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