I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Floor bacon is actually really good
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
