nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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