oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
