yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
