Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
