Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
