I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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