So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
