my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
