i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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