You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
