does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
