I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
