I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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