its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
