Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need to stop coming to work sober
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I want a musical about memes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
