dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
