i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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