I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
