Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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