He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
