The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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