I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
