thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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