He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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