You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
