I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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