check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
