my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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