I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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