he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
