My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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