He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
