your thong is hanging out like whoa
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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