I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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