She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
