We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
