Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
the raccoons are back...
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