I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
