I'm really into asian looking animals
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As shirtless as possible
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
