You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
