A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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