...so i touched it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
