What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said her name was "party"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
