I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
