I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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