I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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