The maid of honor just puked.
I look better un-naked...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
