i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm really busy with my period
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