I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
