Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
being pregnant is like rehab
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
