sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
