i wish there were pregnant emoticons
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
