Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
