just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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